Lorde 'Green Light'

by - Wednesday, March 08, 2017

‘I hear brand new sounds in my mind...’

It's no exaggeration to say that in Lorde, I feel a kindred spirit. Although infinitely more eloquent and talented than I, there are few records-worth of lyrics that resonate closer with the way I felt as a teenager than the ones Ella wrote for Pure Heroine - that heavy, self inflicted sense of burden that comes from realising that you think a little bit deeper and with more melancholy than the people around you, that you see adulthood approaching and it both terrifies and delights you in equal measure.

Music has a habit of coming to me at moments where I need it most, and 'Green Light' feels like something of a gift as I woke on the final day of my first week of self-afflicted unemployment from a job I once love but had come to be my unraveling. I felt afraid but somehow resolute, knowing that is done the difficult but right thing.

For me, 'Green Light' is all about the sick elation that comes when something awful befalls you - a medical diagnosis, the end of a relationship, the curtain reveal that your boss knows you're failing or you’re growing apart from your partner. It's that moment of realising that although the new world you now find yourself in is awful, you were right, that the fate you were trying to ignore for so long does exist and that in coming face to face with it, you can finally see past it. Part of this is selfish melodrama - as so beautifully summated in ‘American Bitch' episode of Girls Season 6 (more on that in a separate blog) everybody wants a story. It's part of what makes us who we are- this innate need to live our lives like Hollywood movies with a humble beginning, challenging middle and triumphant end, that big enigmatic moment of realisation before we flip off the haters and sail off into the sunset.

Often, the reality is ugly - it's long days of crying while life carries on without you, whispers behind your back or worse. It’s of knowing that you’re destined for better, but still berating yourself for what you should have said, could have done. But when the clouds clear and you can see the beauty in the mess, it's fucking joyous, a dance down the street as you realise this new chapter is your permission to be exactly who you want to be from this day forward. As Lorde dangles from the window of that car, she is flirting with danger, the exhilaration that comes from taking a step into the unknown with nothing but self-belief to keep her company. And she's never been more powerful. As that chorus builds, so do I- physically piecing myself back together ready for that sign that it's ready to move on, that I've suffered enough and it's time to be happy. I'm tentatively poised on Amber...

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